


Burn

by battoff



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jake had some problems, everyone else is mentioned but they dont have a speaking role, sorry yall I only write sad jake in this household
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/battoff/pseuds/battoff
Summary: Jake is a hypocrite. A massive hypocrite. Or, at least, he was. None of them enjoyed admitting that fact. That just made it all the more real. And they were still on Denial.





	Burn

**Author's Note:**

> The canon divergence is the fact that the Squip Squad never actually stayed in contact after _Voices In My Head_ and never became friends.
> 
> Jeremy and Christine are still dating, forming a trio friendship with Michael. Brooke and Chloe are still kind of friends but Chloe is estranged from everyone (she barely talks to Brooke as is). Rich kind of does his own thing since he has to pay off his medical bills. Jenna is off doing hir own thing, too, which Jake expresses concern about in the work. And Jake, well, that’s what this entire work is focused on.
> 
> And Jake.

Red brick left a cool sensation against his skin. It gave minor relief to his feverish state. Jake could barely process anything, he felt too sluggish. His blood was too loud, brain too heavy, thoughts lethargic. He could feel his blood moving throughout his body. He looked up at the sky and saw nothing but a blank sky the void of stars. The light pollution didn’t let him see them. What he wouldn’t give to see them on a night like tonight. Then a sharp pain brought him back. He laughed, choking on his tongue which felt far too big in his mouth. This was it. This was his life. He’d cherish it, he thought as he closed his eyes, lulling back into a deep sleep.

...

Rich walked down the halls of Middleborough High School with a purpose. He wasn’t going to cry. Not this time. Not when fury and resentment burnt bitter in his mouth.

Resentment for what? Resentment for him. For his friends.

How could this have happened? How could—

Breathe in. Breathe out.

He had finally reached his destination. The drama room door opened with resistance, the old rusty hinges a result of the department’s lack of funding. Everyone stopped talking to stare at him.

“You better have a damn good reason for dragging me here, Rich.” Chloe had her arms crossed over her chest, hip cocked to one side and foot tapping to show her annoyance. “Out with it.”

As soon as he opened his mouth he knew he wanted to vomit. To rid himself of this putrid feeling inside his stomach. To spread this fiery despair across the whole school so he didn’t have to remember the letter.

The letter.

“Oh, Jake.” Rich broke down into sobs. His hands came up to wipe at his face. No one needed to see this. What happened to his plan? His anger? His determination?

Sorrow. It overtook everything.

Christine’s face wrinkled with concern. “Wait. What about Jake? What happened?”

“Probably did something stupid,” Chloe sighed, rolling her eyes. She walked past him to leave. “Knowing him.”

“He’s dead!”

The room stilled. No one took a breath. Not even Rich to continue his blubbering. Everything had a strange sort of calm to it. Mainly static as they processed this new information.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Chloe turned to Rich, pissed off. “You sick fuck, you get off to this fucking shit?”

“Why would I joke about something like this—”

“Because it can’t be true!” Her eyes held something in them. A wild emotion that drove fear in them all. Except maybe Brooke who had started to weep in the back corner. “Jake’s not dead. I just saw him— saw him—”

Rich stood up straight. His tears had slowed down as if to allow him this reprieve. “You don’t even know, do you? The last time you saw him. None of us do. Because we’re fucking liars and hypocrites!” Christine reached out for his arm but he pulled himself away. “We fucking went to save our own asses after the play. Pretended like we’d all be friends. What good did lying do us? Jake’s dead—!”

“Stop saying that—!”

“It’s not gonna make it any less true Chloe! Look around you! We’re a room full of strangers crying over a kid who killed himself—”

“Then why does it concern me? Huh?” Her voice was pitched, furious. Rich wanted to fight her for having the audacity to be anything other than stricken with grief. “We’re a room full of strangers,” she repeated, “so why should I care about some kid who killed himself?”

He opened his mouth to say something—anything! To make her see the severity of the situation. But he couldn’t. In the end they _were_ all seniors estranged from each other, crying over some senior from their grade who had killed himself.

Chloe walked out annoyed but having proved her point.

...

They were still holding Jake’s body in the hospital. “In case he has any visitors,” a nurse explained. Rich didn’t really care about the reason. All that mattered was he wanted to see Jake again before they piled makeup all over his face and stuffed him like a turkey. He twiddled with the letter in his hands. Jake’s letter. He hadn’t meant to read it. It just sort of happened. But, really, what good would apologizing do now?

He reached the room only to find the door slightly ajar. Maybe it was the people from the funeral home checking in to try and convince Rich to consider a burial instead of a cremation. Stupid business people wanting to make money off of corpses. He was surprised, however, to not spot any combovers or pantsuits.

Instead Rich saw long brown hair, kinky and in a scrunchie of all things. From where he was standing he could watch Chloe’s pained face as she held Jake’s hand. She brushed back his hair, tracing the curve of his face. Her thumb pressed against his blue lips as if that would surely resurrect him. Her head bowed to kiss his hand then his cheek. Then she sat back and went through the motions again.

“Liver failure.” The statement made her jump in her seat. Her grip on Jake’s hand tightened. She whipped around to glare at him but the red rimming her eyes softened her some. “He died from a liver failure. Dumbass drank his way to death.”

Chloe turned to face Jake again. “Why are you telling me this?”

He shrugged. “Thought you cared to know.” There was a pause. Chloe kissed Jake’s hand again. “He wrote it to you, you know.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. To her. To show her how much he hated this situation. Her bottom lip trembled with the weight of it all. “Can I read it?” He walked over, sitting on the chair opposite of her. She took the small letter from him with a shaking hand. She never let go of Jake.

Her eyes scanned the piece of paper slowly, reverently, like it was the last time she would be able to speak to him. They both knew that time had already passed.

Hey Chloe.    
You’re probably wondering why I’m writing this. Especially to you of all people. I guess it’s because I’m pissed. Pissed at you, pissed at everyone, pissed at the world.    
I wanted us all to be friends and shit, you know? To laugh and poke fun at each other. To have sleepovers and dumb crap like that. Because that’s what we all promised each other.    
Then no one ever seemed to have time to hang out. I thought it’d be fine. Jeremy, Michael, and Christine— man they probably hate my guts and I don’t blame them. They’ve got their own thing. Brooke was kinda more into you and Rich than me so I guess that’s fine, too. Jenna— Jenna’s a special case altogether. Look out for Jenna, I’m concerned.    
Then there’s you and Rich. I wanna say I hate you both for ditching me but that’s a dick move. But I guess I’m dick anyways so it doesn’t really matter.    
It just made me wonder, you know? Why you all dropped it so fast. Was it because of certain people? Rivalries? Was it me? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised. Everyone’s avoided me since I got out of the hospital the first time around. No one wants to be friends with the kid who has fucked up legs and burns. Richie is different apparently. He can walk? Never knew legs could make all the difference. I would choose him over me any day but that’s just my opinion.    
I don’t know. I really don’t know why I’m writing this letter. I plan on getting blackout drunk tonight so maybe I’ll finally do the world a favor and off myself.    
I wanna stare at the stars. It’d be nice, wouldn’t it Chloe? To see the stars. When I lived in Maine you could see the stars every night. Sometimes even a little bit of the Northern Lights. You can’t see shit in New Jersey, though.    
I never really minded either way. I liked watching your life unfold more. All of your lives. Even though you all moved on without me. So I guess I’m not mad. I’m just kinda tired.    
I wanna sleep Chloe. I’m gonna sleep. Tonight. I’m gonna take a nice long nap. Maybe dream. I hope I dream about all of you.    
Love you. Goodnight.    
Jake.    



End file.
